Tips for getting along with your neighbours

Jill Sommer wrote the following article some years ago but it’s as pertinent today as it was in 2005.  Times change – good manners don’t.  But what exactly is polite when dealing with your native German neighbour, work colleague or plumber?

Read on to find out…

Tips for getting along with your

German neighbours and colleagues written by Jill Sommer

Don’t be offended if your neighbours don’t come over on the first day and introduce themselves, housewarming gift in hand. It is your responsibility as the newcomer to introduce yourself to your neighbours. This will probably also not be the start of a long neighborly relationship, but rather a chance meeting or a formal greeting over the fence for the entire length of your stay. However, you reap what you sow, and my neighbours have mentioned to me more than once that they really appreciate my friendly “Hello, how are you?” and gestures like bringing up their mail to their door if they are out of town or if a package is lying around. It stands out from the rather distant behavior they are used to. Every little bit of neighbourliness counts.

A recent study has found that the less-than-sunny disposition of the German people can be traced back to their language. Dr. David Myers, an American Speech researcher from
Hope College in
Michigan, maintains that the German language with all its Ös, Äs and Üs forces the mouth to have a distinct concave position (try it out…your mouth is constantly drooped!). This frequent “unhappy” mouth position not only creates a “sour” expression, but also contributes to the speaker’s mood in the long term. Americans and Brits, on the other hand, have lots of “friendly” Is and As in their speech, thus creating a friendly and happy language, which in turn ensures happy people. I thought this finding was very interesting. Keep it in mind the next time you meet a less-than-sunny German and just give them a big smile and talk to them in English!

A major issue in German society is Quiet Time, which is from 1 PM to 3 PM and 10 PM to 7 AM Monday through Saturday. The whole of Sunday is considered Quiet Time. This means that you are not meant to do anything during this time which could disturb your neighbors in any way. This includes loud music, mowing the lawn, drilling into a wall, vacuuming, yelling at the kids or the kids yelling at each other. You may also only play a musical instrument for 90 minutes per day, but not during Quiet Time. Parties are not private affairs either. If you are planning to have a party, you need to inform your closest neighbors beforehand so that they know what to expect. Another thing I recently learned is that visual disturbances are not allowed on a Sunday. This includes hanging out your laundry where a neighbor can see it. I wonder if the rule applies to my neighbor’s tightie-whities in the basement (ugh).

It is considered bad form to call someone after 9 PM, although younger people don’t take issue with this rule as much. This custom stems from the fact that Germans start work very early in the morning and therefore go to bed quite early in the evening.

Another interesting tip is that it is considered a civil offence if you do not wash your staircase or sweep the sidewalk in front of your apartment building regularly. This is preferably done on Friday or Saturday morning, but check your building’s schedule (if one exists). My building wasn’t so regimented about this, but I know plenty of people whose neighbors document when the stairwell is cleaned. This is all part of the German tradition of Ordentlichkeit and Sauberkeit (tidiness and cleanliness).

If you are invited to someone’s home for Kaffee und Kuchen (coffee and cake) have a light lunch. German hostesses make a lavish affair of this and will be upset if you do not try at least a little piece of everything on offer. If you would like to invite German acquaintances over for a similar occasion, make sure that you have at least 3 different types of cakes to offer. Less than that will seem stingy and inhospitable according to German standards. And remember that they like whipped cream to be slightly sweetened.

If you need to introduce your guests to one another, introduce them by Frau or Herr and their surname only. Do not use their Christian names unless you are all well acquainted.

When drinking with others, they will be impressed if you look them in the eye when clinking glasses. Many Germans don’t do this, and I have had more than one person remark on the fact that I knew to do this. I learned this in
Austria, where it is considered bad luck (actually, they feel you will have one year of bad sex) if you do not look people in the eye when clinking glasses. Prost!

It is considered bad luck to celebrate your birthday or wish someone happy birthday before the actual date. You may celebrate “into” your birthday by having a celebration the night before and running into the birth date. If you are at such a birthday party be sure to give the gift to the birthday boy or girl after midnight. If you are turning a Schnappszahl (the age of 22 or 33 or 44…) you are expected to drink a lot of Schnapps.

© Jill R. Sommer, July 2000
Last modified: January 2005

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